Oops I did it again: Bouzouki

I was laying pretty low this summer, staying in, not drinking, saving money and praying for liver rejuvenation. It was nice to hang out at home and nest a little bit, or as Sandra Bernhard put it, "oh you can go on the road, you can do summer stock, but sometimes don't you just want to stay in the city and enjoy your damn co-op?" And I did, and although kind of boring, it was nice.

Well that all kind of came to a crashing end last night. I was lured out to Honest? John's for the third anniversary gathering for HotFudgeDetroit, a snarky ill-tempered local web forum for people who no longer see living in Detroit through rose-tinted glasses but love it (mostly) anyway. And more significantly, HFD is the birthplace of Supergay Detroit and the Detroit Gay Bar Blight Tour.

[Note: If I've never explained the origins of the name Supergay it's because I was probably embarrassed. I created Supergay when HFD started up as an identity to parody the postings of a local blogger and forum participant. I don't know what's more appalling, the utter lack of maturity or the overwhelming geekiness of it all. Do I feel bad about it all now? Sure, if it makes me seem like a better person. Let's just thank God things evolved for Supergay. Well, a little bit.]

Anyway, the internet forum meetup was fun and it was great to see the gang in person, they are an excellent bunch. But I got caught up in the spirit of the evening and I didn't say no to shots of Kessler when I should have, and then there is kind of this blur of talking to people, and the next thing I know someone is shouting "OK we're going to Bouzouki!"

Regular readers may recall last year's visit to Bouzouki II ("the deuce") a dive of a strip joint in Capitol Park (now called Lolita's). Well this trip was to the original Bouzouki in Greektown. It's bigger and more popular, and I consented to tag along provided someone paid my cover and bought me a beer.



It turns out this Bouzouki is more "formatted" as a strip club, but it's still a shitty shithole! So much for downtown's premiere live female entertainment! The place is worn down in that "dump" kind of way. We were seated at a table by a hostess (apparently it's customary to tip them!?) and then I had to clear off a half-full beer bottle, a full ashtray and dirty tablecloths just so I could be seated. Ew. There were spots on the walls where drywall had been patched but not repainted. The bathroom had a plastic bag over one of the urinals and some guy there I guess was the attendant, although he kind of just looked like a homeless Mexican dude.

And then the viewing began. The "girls" were really not all that fantastic, although I will say to their credit most of them had not resorted to surgical breast augmentation, which typically makes me uncomfortable. But most of them had that really bad fried looking blonde hair and they all wore those ridiculous stripper platform heels with the clear base - like it was a uniform or something. And there were several dancers who were downright chubby! The whole vibe of the girls was super Macomb County, which upon reflection was also the vibe of the customers. And Greektown in general, really. So maybe the guys there just like to see girls who look like their girlfriends.

I fucking hate these cheap-ass shoes.
If I were straight I'd lose my bonaire right away.

The stage here had four dance poles and four girls dancing at all times. At Bouzouki II I was really fascinated with the extensive pole acrobatics, but here at the "nicer" club there were hardly any stunts at all! Really only one or two girls were working the pole in a way I found satisfying.

The most frustrating aspect, aside from the horrendous music, the constant solicitations for private dances and the guys I was with continually disappearing to who-knows-what DNA encrusted banquettes, was that I could not get out of my head the desire to see the four women dancing on the stage coordinate their moves somehow. It would have been so incredible if the were all dancing separately and then suddenly they were all in synch for a few moves, right? I mean, a little choreography goes a long way! I'd tip for that.

The problem when I go to titty bars is that I really want it to be Showgirls, but it's always more Law & Order Special Victims Unit. I suppose I should have thought about that before going into another titty bar in the first place.

God made me gay for a lot of reasons, and I believe one of them was so I could avoid disasters like Bouzouki. I am going to say a prayer of thanks right now. And re-embrace moderation!
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Pulling it together

OK, enough of the Supergay pity-fest. It's time to get back to business. This blog is about gay life in Detroit, not about me.

Oh who am I kidding, it's all about me.

Advance notice on the Metro Times Best of Detroit indicates the Supergay Slate did very well! We are not at liberty to reveal details, but let's just say we are pleased.

Speaking of, we're coming to you this morning from the wonderful Rowland Cafe in the Guardian Building, and one has to wonder - why can't more independent coffee places in Detroit pull it off like this? The setting is of course fantastic, but they have the kind of cafe pastries you want, good coffee, a capable friendly staff focused on the customer, normal attractive furniture and fixtures and free wi-fi. Is it really that difficult?


OK, I'm behind on lots of topics. More to come.
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Is it Inn yet?

As you may or may not be aware, Eastern Market on a Saturday morning is a gay hotspot in the city of Detroit. You get queers of every stripe bustling around, picking up gastronomic delights or just getting a high-calibre hangover cure (bacon or a bloody) at one of the many great breakfast spots in the market. It's great to walk around the market just for the people watching - the hot farmer boys, the cactus lady who looks like a drag queen (haven't seen her in a while, though, is she still around?), gay couples galore, and even a tranny once last fall! You may be able to guess how much that thrilled me.

Many people argue about "the best breakfast" in the Market, with Russell Street Deli being the popular choice for many. You will see gays lined up to grab eats there any Saturday. And while it is great, it's always packed, and after you wait in line you have to share a table with people cafeteria-style. Now I'm down with that at the Hudson hotel in Manhattan, but I get less thrilled when I have to share a table with a seven year old. I have a filthy mouth.

Popular doesn't always mean best (ref: high school), so I've turned my sights elsewhere, and discovered possibly the gayest spot in the Market.

Butcher's Inn is located at 1489 Winder, just across the street from R. Hirt. While not a gay restaurant per se, it is gay-owned, and if the waiters the last time I was there aren't gay then I need a gaydar tune-up. But even when the staff isn't gay, the attitude pretty much is. I mean, you've got your Between the Lines right inside the door and everything. The current ownership reopened it last year after an extensive renovation. Gay gentrification is best when it serves booze.

Still might be considered a whorehouse,
depending on which one of you shows up.

The place is pretty cool inside, all historic 'n' shit. First of all, points because it used to be a whorehouse. Second of all, there is a ton of very fun ye olde Detroit memorabilia on the walls, and not in a typical Detroit memorabilia kind of way. For instance, minimal sporting references - that turns me on.

On a recent Saturday morning visit we didn't have to wait for a table and our cute gay (probably) waiter was like "bloody mary?" right away. We weren't drinking, but that didn't stop him from offering a bloody mary every time he stopped by the table. That also turns me on. He was fun and personable and Detroity and great, and you know it's always better when you have a good server.

But really the best thing there is the food, though. It comes out pretty quickly, which is great on a Saturday morning, and as far as my untrained palate can tell it's fresh and tasty. Most of the stuff is from the Market area. The thing that really blew me away the first time I went was how good their sausage was - um, it turned me on. But seriously, it's really really good, and when even the rye toast is impressive, you know you've hit a winner.

I have never been there for dinner, but they do stay open in the evenings. Open mic nights and live music potentially make it less appealing from a gay perspective, but certainly not from a general person perspective. To their great credit they started having a gay night on Mondays last year, but it fizzled out before I could get there. Eh bien. Mondays are hard, and word of mouth isn't always the fastest advertising.

The clientele each time I've been there has also had gay representation (aside from me), and it tends to be a little less Royal Oak gays and more like East English Village gay types. And that turns, well, you know.

So let the suburban gays follow the crowd to Russell Street - you head over to Butcher's Inn and have a real gay Market day.

Field Report: The Caucus Club

The Caucus Club may seem an usual restaurant for exploration as a gay spot, but its inclusion is really almost mandatory, for reasons I'll get to in a minute.

The Caucus Club is one of Detroit's old-time classics. It opened in 1952 and pretty much hasn't changed an iota since. Located on the ground floor of the fabulous Penobscot Building (south entrance), it has a clubby, piano bar kind of vibe. It actually does, in fact, have a piano, although I believe it generally goes unplayed.



I've been to the Caucus Club only a handful of times, the first this spring on the same night I went to the last Sass dance party and most recently for lunch today. It has all the nostalgic appeal you'd hope, including vintage 40's light fixtures over the tables in the bar, circular booths, waiters who have been there since the beginning of time. And the food is really great - since Union Street cut their awesome Salade Nicoise from the menu (I hate them now) I've been looking for something equally good, and the one here possibly exceeds it. Not to mention the espresso is brewed on a stovetop espresso pot, not a machine brewer.

And let's not forget cocktails! The drinks are great, old school, and they have all the top shelf brands you expect and deserve. There is something about the vibe, though, that demands minimally-diluted liquor, so don't bother with anything but a martini or a bullshot.

The clientele, at least at lunch, is typically downtown business-y. Not in the way the Detroit Athletic Club is, but more in the real downtown worker way. I can only illustrate this by describing the tables near me today, which included a late-middle-aged businessman with a slightly younger woman, a guy in a bowtie, and a trio of middle-aged chain smoking women. No pretense, no excessive formality, just real Detroit folks who won't eat at Jimmy John's.

As for the gay, well there weren't any other gay people there that I was aware of during any of my visits. But the Caucus Club holds a very special spot in gay history because it is the place where Barbra Streisand got her first break. As their website states:

"The Caucus Club has had many celebrities cross its door. The most famous would have to be Barbra Streisand who sang in the back room in 1961. Brought here from New York, the Caucus Club was one of Streisand first paying jobs. She was young and inexperienced performer. "Watching her was like watching the first brush strokes in a picture, she was creating herself," said owner Les Gruber. Streisand left Detroit for an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jack Parr, and the rest is history!"

History indeed. If you are looking for a place to go with friends that has charm, class, character and is a part of your gay heritage, I cannot recommend this place enough. It is, frankly, ripe for a gay takeover as a swanky little piano bar. All we'd need is a decent performer. Hey Barbra ... ?

Thinking outside the box

You may not have guessed this, but I'm not much of a titty-bar guy. Sure, I've been dragged along on a bachelor party night - I actually got a "private dance" once. It's very weird. Do you know how those things work?? The dancer put me in a chair in that little room and the proceeded to rub up and down in between my legs. I'm probably not explaining that well, but I mean she basically is rubbing her tits on my crotch. I was getting so bored I finally had to tell her I was primarily same-sex oriented and asked if maybe she could actually dance around a little bit for me. I mean really, that's what I paid for.

And she smelled like cotton candy. Is that hot for straight guys?

Anyway, nobody was more surprised than I was when, after a few drinks out on Park Ave with the Frat Pack, it was announced that the next stop was Bouzouki II. "The Deuce."

Do this when you say "the deuce"

Bouzouki II, née "The Grind," is located at the northernmost point of downtown Detroit's final frontier, Capitol Park. It's really just like a little brick box, across from the downtown synagogue and that weird speakeasy place that is open once a week but nobody I know has visited. It's a total dive, at least as far as strip joints go. It's practically an ultra-lounge compared to regular dive bars like The Well, but it definitely lacks some of the slickness of the clubs I visited on my bachelor party sojourns.

That is potentially a poor word choice.

All I can say is that it was awesome. It was a Thursday night, and we pretty much had the place to ourselves. There is just a tiny two-pole stage in the middle of the bar, so you are never far from the action. The music was typically bad, but it added to the charm. The dancers were way more attractive than I thought they would be. Someone bought shots. There is something about having a place all to yourself that is somewhat empowering. Even though there were only about ten customers there, the energy level was high.

The dancers were great - have you ever seen those girls work a pole? It's unbelievable. They were incredibly fit, and I was continually amazed at their acrobatics. It was like that Wonder Woman drag show kind of showbiz amazement. I really enjoyed watching them.

(artist's rendering)

We got to meet all of the performers which is, of course, always a thrill. Cinnamon spent a lot of time at our table. She was an interesting young lady, in the way that people trying to act sophisticated when they are not is interesting. I had a whole Pygmalian fantasy about her while we were chatting - I could make her a stripper superstar! My favorite part of that conversation was when she started talking about how hot it was in there, and how thirsty she was, and everyone at our table just kind of looked away in awkward silence. Sorry sunshine!

The craziest thing, though, was when the bartender, who looked exactly like Hatchet-face from the John Waters film "Crybaby" ...


... came over with a beer bottle between her jugs (and they were jugs) and forced my friend to drink from it. I don't know if that was supposed to be some kind of mother's milk thing or what, but it mostly came across as strangely fellatic. Which, you know, feels weird with naked boobs around.

Well, the night ended too soon after one last Cintron energy drink-based cocktail (that stuff is insane) and last call for private dances. As I wandered out, I thought about how this would be such a great little place to hang out all the time - become a regular, schedule business meetings there, impress my friends. The Guerrilla Queer Bar could take it over for a night, and instead of guerrillas they would be cunt-quistadors.

But then I thought about the price of stripper bar drinks, and the irritation of the girls when they discovered I just wanted to watch them dance around a little bit, and I decided that maybe this just needs to be a special gay treat, an occasional indulgence when I'm "out with the guys."

Besides, I'm never going to change our gay world hanging out in a titty bar. Talk about a gay neutral zone. I gotta remember to keep this straight: I'm living in the D, not living in the V.

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

Last February or so a friend told me about Sass. She had never been to it, but heard of it through friends and passed the info to me when I was looking for gay things to do in Detroit. Sass is queer dance party that caters to a young-ish hipster crowd, and you can read details on their MySpace page.

I thought about checking it out, but I would have had to go by myself since I hadn’t met many gay friends in the city yet, and I figured I was outside the targeted demographic a bit anyway. I’d pay attention to the event schedule, think about going, but then get distracted by something shiny and forget about it.

So I finally have friends who will go to Sass, which is now held at the Buzz Bar, and I went to meet up with them there last night.

What a revelation that was.

I cannot tell you the last time I was in such a happy, positive, hip, fun and energetic gay (fine … queer) club atmosphere. Actually yes I can. It was summer 1988 on Thursday nights at Todd’s, (the old new wave/punk club at 7 Mile & Van Dyke. I’ve been around). It was a great mix of gay boys, some straight boys, and a bunch of straight girls. It was mostly 20’s, but I was mercifully NOT the oldest person there.

The music was great! Now, I am dating myself when I say you could have rifled through my vinyl collection from high school and it would have been pretty much the same music as they played here. But for a group of young hipsters, my gay new wave high school music is now a fun, non-mainstream dance throwback. How fun?

So I danced a little, but mostly I watched, and it just made my bitter, jaded heart melt to see a gay scene so vibrant and edgy and friendly in the city of Detroit. And wouldn’t you know it, Sass is undergoing a change. The guys who make Sass happen are moving away to bigger and better things (as I believe every young person should, at least for a while), so Sass will no longer be a monthly. Maybe three or four times a year, that’s the word. But you know how these things go. As a friend asked, “Is this your first and last Sass?”

The responsible parties.

I think Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2 said it best ... "Oh it all seems so unfair, just when I found you I lost you!"

But keeping things in perspective, for a while last night I was overjoyed to see the kind of gay scene this city so desperately needs to have. As the last song played, a dance remix of “Forever Young” (the song playing on their MySpace page and, oddly, on my current vinyl playlist), I watched everyone out there dancing with huge smiles, hugging and laughing. This song from my high school playlist and their Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack cast a gorgeous sentimental glow over a fleeting moment in Detroit that brings everything good and gay together.

Field Report: Detroit Beer Company

Not gay at all. No gay people, sports only.

Cutest hipster I ever saw at the bar next to me though.

Field Report: Atlas Global Bistro

With Oslo closed (way to blow it, guys), Atlas Global Bistro remains one of the few beacons of hope for civilized socializing on the Woodward stretch of downtown Detroit.

Back when I started my search for intelligent gay life downtown, I discovered Sunday brunch at Atlas and it quickly became a favorite spot. It's upscale, reasonably pulled-together decor-wise (that teal ceiling is an issue, but you know you can't tell a business owner anything), and has a bar big enough for an evening of hanging out drinking martinis (or alternately, a Sunday afternoon of bottomless mimosas). The crowd is very diverse in all the best ways, and everyone is really quick to mingle. A lot of residents of the Addison apartments (upstairs in the same building) are regulars, and that building is no stranger to a homosexual tenant.

For a while, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays were pulling a pretty decent gay professional crowd in their mid-20's and up. By "decent" I mean anywhere from a smattering to a gangle. I suspect having a hot, charismatic gay bartender might have had something to do with this. There was also a swell Guerrilla Queer Bar event there last fall that had a really nice turnout (pic swiped from the Detroit Guerrillas site).

That popular bartender left Atlas a month or two ago, and the word was that there's been some downturn in the overall bar scene there. Since I am a busy professional I haven't been keeping tabs on this, so I sent the Supergay Investigative Team "4 on the Floor" in to find out the truth.

Caveat: I gauge the bar scene completely separately from restaurant activity, so in no way whatsoever should any comments be construed to mean business is slow at Atlas, because it is not. But I know how you bitches are.

Visits on three separate weeknights over the past seven days revealed that yes, in fact, the bar scene seems to have mellowed out a bit. That is not to say the bar was completely empty, but a Thursday night that might once have been labeled "casually bustling" would now be downgraded to "vibrantly subdued." The bar scene has always been a little hit-or-miss, and I don't know if it's the frenzy of another sports season starting or this crappy weather, but things do seem slower.

Now there was some talk last year, since Wednesdays were turning out to be so very lavender, of making an official gay night. The management team could not quite pull it together to officially declare this so it just stayed this little scene until late last fall. In recent weeks we'd had conversations about it and I told them that Jesus still wants them to have a gay night, and they seemed receptive to it. So it looks like Wednesdays might be the night, if it can gain momentum.

The first official "gay night" (man, that is a tacky expression) was last night, and was like any other Wednesday, really. There is a new sweetheart of a gay bartender, and a handful of people at the bar, most of them gay. Everyone ended up chatting with each other, it was actually a really good time!

I met an interesting fellow who moved to downtown Detroit from gay heaven San Francisco who obviously has been reading this blog because he complained about (a) where the fuck are all the gay people in Detroit, (b) how come every gay person you actually do meet in Detroit is coupled, and (c) why the fuck to the gay bars suck so hard here? Hello, my thoughts exactly!

He also said he and his friends used to come to Atlas a lot in part to see the previous bartender, so I guess his departure does have something to do with the current state of events. But that ain't gonna change so I guess it's just our gay civic duty to show up and drink anyway.

So the prognosis for Atlas is still great, and despite this little slump it is still the best option for gay professional-types to hang out someplace nice, get a great drink (or an awesome meal, by the way) and meet interesting folks like me. If you are gay or have gay friends you can drag along, stop on by. And don't limit yourself to Wednesdays, because every night can be a gay old time at Atlas!

Field Report: Lower Park Avenue

The conventional wisdom about the gay scene in the city of Detroit, and downtown in particular, is that you are pretty much welcome anywhere you want to go, and this is certainly the case in my experience. But sometimes you want to be around other gay people, right? Not only so you can feel that there is some kind of community here, but also because a couple of gays really does tend to spruce up the atmosphere. Plus with the dismal gay bar options in the city, why shouldn't the gays hang out at nice places?

That's where the Field Report idea comes in. I go out, drink a lot with friends and then identify the places that have a good gay vibe, a decent gay presence, or maybe just a lot of potential as a gay socializing spot.

This week Lower Park Avenue was the target. I like calling it Lower Park Avenue because it makes it sound like a full district instead of just two bars.

First stop was Park Bar at the corner of Park and Elizabeth, pretty much right behind the State Theater. It's definitely a beer-and-a-shot kind of place, but they've got a ton of beer on tap and are fully stocked with the requisite good stuff. But I don't need to rehash these details - read the Model D article if you are that interested.

The decor is simple but nice with a gorgeous wooden bartop. It can get a little loud, but the location is cool and all the windows are great. The circle bar means sometimes you have to scream for a bartender in order to get booze, though, and the music vibe is definitely pretty rock-n-roll. You won't have to worry about getting dressed up either.

The crowd is a somewhat eclectic mix of hardcore Detroiters, hipsters, Kales building residents, a few visiting suburbanites and other random drop-in's who probably wandered down from Upper Park Avenue.

As far as any kind of gay vibe goes, we've got nothing going on there. The bar was pretty crowded when I was there and a friend asked if I thought there were any other gay people around other than me. A quick scan of the crowd revealed that no, in fact, there did not appear to be.

So the only gay in the room decided to wander next door, to Cliff Bell's.

Cliff Bell's has definitely got the gay goods. The interior is a beautifully-restored art deco space (presumptive thanks to Model D for the image below), and the live jazz and big band music is city sophistication at it's best. There's a lot of seating at small tables where you can hang and listen to the music with your group, or you can mill about at the bar and scope out the generally attractive and well-dressed crowd.

It's a cocktail kind of place too, so you don't have to worry about looking out of place as the only person in the room with a cosmo!

Having established that empirically this place is perfect for gays, what's the verdict on reality? Well I am thrilled to report that whenever I have been there, there is always a small but significant gay presence. It's a gay demographic that fits in with the crowd - mid-20's to mid-60's, professional, sophisticated. I ran into one gay friend and his group, sat at the bar next to two other (very cute) gay guys, and then ran into another (straight) friend who brought a group of gay guys he'd run into elsewhere that night. And who knows how many homos I missed? I was very focused on my cocktail. And the cute guys next to me. Anyway, not bad on a night when the place only filled to about 60% capacity.

The thing I love about the gays at Cliff Bell's is that everyone is so friendly. They're often out with straight friends, and everyone mixes together so easily. I can't really think of a visit when I didn't meet some new gay people there, and I certainly can't think of an occasion that wasn't a full-on good time.

So as far as Lower Park Avenue is concerned - don't hesitate to stop in The Park Bar and have a drink or meet friends there, but for finding the elusive downtown gay scene, definitely make an evening of Cliff Bell's.