I don't care how you get here, just get here if you can

One eminently enjoyable aspect to having any website is tracking your web statistics. I don't get too caught up on my exact number of hits, although obviously the more the mary-er around here, but I do love it when people find this site by googling.

Why? Because people find this site through the most fucked-up keyword searched you can imagine. And you don't have to imagine, because I am going to list the freakiest ones right now. I'm listing with comments, but take from this list what you will ...

10. "gay sport blogspot" - I think they were looking for someone else's blog, maybe?

9. "hitting on a roommate gay" - I wonder how that turned out?

8. "last night a dj saved my life + michelle pfeiffer" - it is almost inconceivable why anyone would google those two things together, but if you do want to do that, I'm the #1 google hit

7. "douching photo" - why me?

6. "detroit 6 mile TS" - again, why?

5. "hot guys bar backing" - I think he might be missing an 'e' ... but then again maybe not?

4. "dirty gay bars in detroit michigan" - it's entirely possible we are talking about different kinds of filth

3. "asshole mayor kwame kilpatrick" - you really have to admire the quest for solidarity that drives this particular search

2. "what is the beauty of the Spirit of Detroit statue" - Well, I guess they got my opinion on that!

1. "grandpa little girl pussy stories" - Definitely the #1 freakiest keyword search, right?


And just for kicks, here are my top ten most popular search items, starting with the most popular:

1. "gay bar detroit" and any permutation of that, including searches for information on particular gay bars, gay bar reviews, gay bar genres ("mature gay bar").

2. "detroit gay life" - Some of these were a little sad, kind of showing people in the same boat I was in when I moved here ("looking for gay detroit," "gay professionals detroit"). Search keywords, like sad songs, say so much.

3. "detroit guerrilla gay bar" - Lots of people looking for these guys! That makes me happy.

4. "packard plant gay superheroes" - You have to admit, that's kind of special.

5. "walk it out fosse" - The most incredible youtube video of all time.

6. "ugly betty white" - So much potential for greatness, yet no one seems to have seen it. Maybe it only needs to live in our imaginations.

7. "gay history" - And Palmer Park history. Someone ought to write a book.

8. "dynadouche" - I can't imagine many people actually blogged on that one.

9. "atlas global bistro" - Hardly surprising, given how much I mention it. By the way, Wednesday nights are still gay night, and the great current bartender is off to greener pastures (NYC) in two weeks. Come say hi.

10. This is a three-way tie: "wound menswear," "proof martini lounge" and "phillip cooley." Yes, Phillip Cooley. Apparently a lot of people search for information on him. Or maybe he is just searching for himself. Only his hairdresser knows for sure.

More More More!

OK, really super sorry about the disappearing act. It's not that I don't love writing this here little blog. But man, sometimes the real world has a way of interfering with my hobbies.

This is just a little howdy-hi, because in 30 I gotta be someplace better, but I just HAD to bring to you the following Hedwig originator.

Boy, the supertalents of the 70's would never make it today! Britney gets raked over the coals (deservedly - she set her own standard) but Andrea True can barely shake her ass to the rhythm. Which is weird, since she was a porn star before her recording career. See, you can tell, she has one of those gross porn mouths.

Lady Di Died

Hard to believe it was ten whole years ago when Princess Diana died, eh? I was in Saugatuck for Labor Day weekend, staying at a friend's condo when we got the news.

I remember feeling sad and a bit weird - I was wholly obsessed with the Royal Wedding back as a little pre-teen faglet ... waiting every day for Nickie McWhirter's report from London in the Detroit News (or was it Free Press?) ... clipping every article and picture that was printed and saving them in a Hudson's gift box (for ten years!) ... waking up at 5am to watch the wedding live on TV ... ah, remembering that uninhibited youthful gay exuberance exhilirates me even now.

The gay community certainly was shocked by her death as much as anyone, and perhaps mourned it a little more (or more dramatically), what with their love of a strong tragic female icon. I do have to say though, that I did not react like the guy in this video. A bunch of gays sitting around playing canasta, watching the news about the accident, and then at 30 seconds in, the news comes ...

The only better gay story I've heard goes like this: A guy was at the gay bar hanging out on a weekend night when suddenly the bartender turns down the music and shouted "OH MY GOD, DIANA'S DEAD!"

Without hesitation, some queen shrieked back, "Diana Ross is DEAD???"

Mary!

Pollyanna

Lately I've been staying in a lot more than usual, which really isn't me. I'm not exactly sure why, it's possible my liver finally started communicating with my brain and is forcing some much-needed R & R. But it's been nice to watch some DVD's, get a little more work done, listen to some records and contemplate life. Which is exactly what I was doing last night, admiring that beautiful sunset, doing some work into the evening with a great view of those gritty, pretty city lights, and thinking this is pretty damn cool, this Detroit life I've got going for me.

And then I wake up this morning to a call from my building management letting me know my car was broken into last night. Good Lord, I haven't even had my coffee yet! So I go check it out and there's a broken window and the steering column is all fucked up because they tried to steal the whole car, not just the 79 cents in the ashtray like you get over on Park Avenue.

Now, I've had car break-ins in every city I've inhabited in my adult life. CD's stolen from a trunk in Boston. The entire wardrobe of a drag queen friend in Washington, DC ("What was stolen, officer? Um, well, about twelve pair of size 13 heels ...."). But the kicker here is that this is the third break-in I've had this summer (although mercifully the first involving significant damage). What the fuck is the deal?

So as I dealt with the car bullshit - by the way, kudos to the city for the crime easy-report system via 311, they were super nice and professional, and to my building's security, they chased down the guys and caught them - I started to feel weird that I wasn't fully irritated and ranting about leaving the city and being someplace normal. As I was talking to my sister about it I realized that even though this is a hassle and an insurance deductible I have to pay, it is leaps and bounds better than my life was when I spent a lot of time in the suburbs.

When I first moved back to the Detroit area, I lived with my brother in an inner-ring suburb for a bit. As a result of feeling like I lived in the middle of nowhere, I was constantly driving to get somewhere. So, well, you know, sometimes you get moving violations ... an illegal turn on red in Huntington Woods, 5 over the limit on the freeway in St. Clair Shores. And of course if you don't stay on top of that administrative bullshit you get tickets for expired tags and the like. And if you get those kinds of tickets, you get that triple-indemnity extortion from the State known as the "Driver's Responsibility Fee" which requires you to pay an additional fine at the time of the original ticket and again a year later. Sure. And God forbid you move and don't get your second fee notice, because then they will suspend your driver's licence. And after you pay that, if you didn't realize that you have to ALSO go to the Secretary of State to pay $125 to get your license reinstated, you might get pulled over five months later and be driving on a suspended license. And that's a whole new Driver's Responsibility Fee, $500 bucks for two years this time.

I'm not saying this happened to me, but in a hypothetical situation like this you could conceivably pay over $2000 in fines over two years. I'm just sayin'.

So when I thought about the big picture today, it all seemed like a relatively minor hassle. I can walk to work in 20 minutes, or else I can drive in five. Ditto most of my favorite bars and restaurants. Most of my friends live close by, and most new people I meet are really, truly interesting foks with cool jobs - no customer service reps or middle managers in my social circle, thank you very much - and an individualist outlook. There are great things to do everywhere right outside my spectacular apartment. And I've reduced my carbon footprint.

Some people would have one break-in and write off the city for good, and I get that. I can't help but feel that - for me, at least - it's as minor a hassle as someone else might have with paying $70+ a week for gas, or having to pay for lawn care. No, it's not ideal that this stuff happens with some frequency in the city (it's actually pathetic and fucked up). But when I really think about the alternative, $250 and two days without my car is a "responsibility fee" I can, begrudgingly, deal with.

Tumbleweave

I saw this in the parking lot of the Lafayette Park shopping center the other day, on my way into Paris Cafe. It shares the parking lot with "Intus: Detroit's Refined Nightclub."

Refined, huh?

Gay Superheroes

I am guessing that many of you have already seen the pictures of the Gay Superhero porno shoot at the Packard Plant, but if not, check them out at the blog of Bryanboy ("Planet Earth's favourite third world fag!") Now this is someone taking "fabulous ruins of Detroit" seriously.



Also discovered at that site is a video for possibly the best drag number I have ever seen in my entire life (and I have seen a lot of drag!) As Bryanboy says, THIS is how you make an entrance!

All I can say is watch the whole thing. There is some amazing shit going on in this video, especially in the last minute!

If you're a Showgirls fan ...

... and I know that you are, you will think this is the funniest thing ever. Here's a clip from Disney's High School Musical 2 (clever name), watch the first minute or so:

Zac Efron IS Troy Bolton IS Nomi Malone!

I was waiting for the director to rub an ice cube on his nipples.

(If you need some Showgirls choreography refreshers, watch this clip, and check in at 04:15, 06:00 and 08:25)

Watch this while the watchin's good - I am sure that HSM clip will be yanked in about a minute.

Foreign Correspondence: Chicago Market Days

I didn't make it to Chicago for Market Days this year, but friends reported in that it was a full-scale party time, as usual. Market Days is the largest of the many Chicago street fairs, and it takes place on Halsted Street right in the middle of Boystown. It's gotten increasingly popular over the years (and apparently cleaned up a good deal - I guess it used to be a little more Folsom Street Fair-ish), and this year they added the provision that bars along Halsted could serve liquor outside, so you weren't consigned to getting bloaty on beer or headache-y on wine cooler type freezy drinks. It's good that they strive to improve it each year.



My favorite part of the fair is the performance by ROTC, the Righteously Outrageous Twirling Corps. It's a performing group consisting of guys who, in their younger years, participated in the whole drum corps/color guard thing, and it's possibly even gayer than performing in drag. So of course I love it! (video link here)

It is one of the great things about being a gay man that you can participate in something like this, something you loved in your youth, and you not only don't have to apologize or be embarrassed about it, you can celebrate it! I call that Gay Privilege.

Watch the video above for their signature number (from the movie "Bring It On") as published by the group, or watch this video of the same number, which gives you a little better view of the group performing (vs. close-ups), plus has some funny candid footage at the end.

On Gayborhoods

While I'm on the topic of gayborhoods ...

Once upon a time, Detroit did have a bona fide gay neighborhood in the Palmer Park area at McNichols/Six Mile and Woodward. As I've heard it told, this was in the 70's and into the 80's, and encompassed the neighborhoods east of Woodward full of single family homes as well as the numerous beautiful deco apartment buildings across from the park. Gay businesses were plentiful in this area, and it was completely normal for people to walk to bars and restaurants.

Still pretty: entrance to a deco apartment building in Palmer Park.

I have a few memories of this area from the early/mid-80's when I would ride the school bus through there. I remember passing The Gold Coast (in it's old location on the south side of the street ... 'where gentlemen meet') and Chosen Books, which was originally on McNichols, I think. Later when I had a car I would drive past Backstage, the gay restaurant, with its neighboring piano bar Footlights, hoping desperately to see some actual living gay people.

Palmer Park was a lot like the emerging gay neighborhoods in other major cities at the time ... Dupont Circle in Washington, DC, Lakeview in Chicago, the South End in Boston. Great housing stock in a mature neighborhood, varied housing styles, bars and restaurants and retail, walkability, density, a university in close proximity, a liberal and tolerant local population. So if these other areas went on to become major gay centers in the US, why did Palmer Park fall apart? Crime mostly. The story of Palmer Park mirrors the story of many of Detroit's other neighborhoods. By the 80's there was rising street crime, and the gay population moved a few miles north to Royal Oak and Ferndale. The Metro Times took a good look at this story back in June, and if you haven't read that article it's worth a look.

At the end of the 80's Detroit was in the same place as these other major cities. While those cities' governments managed to keep their gay areas liveable, and their citizens did not get so fed up that they felt forced to leave, and their police forces actually fought crime, Detroit did not. Well, what can you do?

"Hey, we tried!": A rally against nighttime street violence in Palmer Park c. 1980

25 years later one might ask if we even really need a gay neighborhood in the city. Doesn't Ferndale/Huntington Woods/Royal Oak suit our needs? Aren't there gay people in every Detroit neighborhood? Haven't we come far enough in terms of mainstream acceptance that creating a gay ghetto works against our better interests?

These are valid points, but I really do think Detroit needs a gayborhood. First off, the Ferndale phenomenon has not been enough to stop gay people from fleeing the area in droves. The 'Dale is probably a decent reflection of a gay community that is widely dispersed throughout the suburbs, but it is cohesion and density that so many gay people move away to find. I personally find Ferndale charming, and lived there briefly myself long, long ago. But I don't think it offers enough to be the hub of a gay community.

Secondly, there certainly are a large number of gay people in Detroit's neighborhoods. And many people will say that's a testament to the acceptance of gay people in this city, the fact that we live everywhere, and that we can go pretty much anywhere and be ourselves. And this is a true, great fact about Detroit. But the gay community is not integrated in Detroit, it is invisible. There is a huge difference. Sure, you can be gay and go to anywhere you like, and you might even see other gay people there. But where can you reliably go to meet new people, for friends or dating? What do you do when you are new?

It is my opinion that Detroit needs to get to a point where there is a visible gay center BEFORE it can get to this whole "integration" theory. I just think there are certain things that contribute to gay quality of life in a city, regardless of whether you spend a great deal of time mingling with the gay community:

* having places to socialize like bars, restaurants, coffeeshops, etc. And not like the shitholes we have in Detroit. The calibre of the gay businesses in a city says a lot about how the gay community views itself, and that would indicate Detroit's gay community is still stuck in the self-loathing 80's.

* and as an addendum to that, having activity in more than one place on a given night. When was the last time anyone found two hoppin' places on the same night in this city? Shit, you can barely find one. The close proximity of businesses with gay appeal helps promote business for everybody.

* having opportunities for networking with other gay people to promote and foster business growth

* being able to find a gay doctor (go ahead, give it a try, it's remarkably difficult) or other professionals that cater to the unique needs of gay people

* having a hub for community services for gays, lesbians and transgendered, including HIV prevention/education/testing, resources for young people, etc. Not just a hotline or a drop-in center, but a place where information is shared among people on the street or in coffeehouses.

* having openly gay people who are public figures - this includes politicians, business owners, neighborhood activists, philanthropists, educators ... all role models for young people and a sign that you can thrive in a particular city

* creating visibility for the gay and lesbian population. The GLBT community has essentially no voice in city politics, and socially is not an influence. Contrast with Chicago, where the city now recognizes how (in the words of Mayor Daley at the Gay Games Opening Ceremonies), "the gay community has been at the forefront of every quality of life issue in the city." Hell, the city even provided major funding for the new GLBT community center in Lakeview (which was an incredible historic preservation project). Detroit's community needs a voice, and that only comes from banding together

Detroit needs a neighborhood with a variety of housing options (for the young renter as well as the homo-owner), relatively intact housing stock, a commercial district with potential, one or two NICER gay bars or restaurants, a few visionary people leading the way, and an official "welcome" from the mayor's office (believe it or not, I know several suburban gay people who feel that they are explicitly UNwelcome in the city of Detroit). A gayborhood will only burnish the city's image in the eyes of urbanites around the country, and maybe we can keep some of our gay people from fleeing to greener pastures.

So where could it go? I have my ideas, but what do you think? Weigh in with a comment if you want.

My master plan for Tigers Stadium

Ernie Harwell continues his "It's a Wonderful Life" 11th-hour savior moment with old Tigers Stadium and I think it's safe to say I'm totally over it. Here is a link to a Detroit News article about his progress on his "Save Tigers Stadium" plan.

Since there is apparently an open RFP for the TS site, I've decided to come up with my own master plan. My plan - which I think will please the City, the residents of Corktown, the TS preservationists and the gay community - is to turn the area into Detroit's new gayborhood.

First of all, let's look at the economics of the whole thing. Ernie's plan relies on nostalgia to make the stadium work. Donations from foundations, selling naming rights for a stadium with no real use, museums as tenants ... that plan has more holes in it than my granny's panties. Foundations make grants based on need and Lord knows there are a lot of worthy charities out there already. And people go to museums, what, once a year?

No, nostalgia ain't gonna pay the bills.

(click for a somewhat larger version)

In my plan, we tear down a good portion of the stadium. Fuck it, it's ugly, worth more as scrap and it's taking up space. The historic corner of Michigan and Trumbull will remain, mostly because it's the only architecturally interesting part of the stadium but also for its more intimate scale, and it will house retail businesses that cater to the needs of the gay and lesbian community. Examples: Hermes, Apple, Barney's, Good Vibrations (for our lesbian sistren) and Hollister (for twinks and the men who dress like them).

Instead of a sports hall of fame and a music museum, we will just have the Madonna Hall of Fame. It's important to have a cultural aspect to any project.

In an additional nod to preservationists, a gay sports bar called "The Dugout" will open right at the corner, and will adaptively re-use the much-loved trough urinals in its restroom, as well as some lockers from the visitor's locker room for decor. And of course there would be a Starbucks, for caffeination and general cruising opportunities.

The historic locker rooms themselves will also be saved. The Tiger's locker room will be converted into part of a premiere health club facility, and the visitor's locker room will be converted into a bathhouse. Can you imagine the draw of that? Come hook up in an original MLB locker room? Rest assured, people would visit more than once for that experience! There would also be a gift shop.

The field itself would be saved - another nod to preservationists and the neighborhood - and could be used for lesbian softball leagues with a dog park way out in the outfield.

In place of the stadium there would be new, mixed-use modern construction - restaurants, service retail, condos, apartments and townhouses. I can hear the bitching now, "modern doesn't go in Corktown!" I say contextualism is for pussies. The only context right now is empty parking lots, a freeway and a giant pile of steel. These buildings will vary in size, but they should push the design envelope and make a statement. We're here, we're queer, we're fabulous, get used to it.

This will give Corktown housing for all types ... want something new and modern? Got it. Want a fixer-upper? Just cross over the freeway to North Corktown. Want Victorian charm? Hop across Michigan Avenue into the historic Corktown area. And you are a minute from downtown.

People need to start looking forward in this city, instead of rubbing one out over what used to be. It's time to rub one out over what could be. This is a solution that works, so let's get going with tearing down that stadium!

Oh, and I also propose they take down Comerica Park while they're at it. I hate sports.

Freddie Mercury and Dolly Parton have the same voice?

Well here's an interesting clip I came across while 'tubin this evening. It turns out that several popular singers are sharing their voices. Matthew Bellamy (from some group called Muse) and Gwen Stefani. Kylie Minogue and George Michael. And even ... Freddie Mercury and Dolly Parton. Scandalously good stuff.

Event Recap: Erasure Concert

As expected, the Erasure concert on July 31 was essentially the event of the summer for gay Detroit. Well, for hipster gay Detroit and white-guy-over-30 gay Detroit. And it was great fun.

Cell phone cameras ... not so great.

I'm not going to write a full review of the concert, suffice to say Erasure is always a great show. You expect their most popular songs and they give them to you. And they always pick good tracks from their latest album. Having seen them perform no fewer than seven times since the first time as a little faglet back in 1986, I can attest to the fact that they never disappoint.

The crowd at this show was really great. The Music Hall was packed with gay guys reliving their youth, young gays riding the retro electronic wave, and closeted gay guys with their girlfriends who don't know yet. (Which was me at their St. Andrew's show in 1988, a phenomenon pointed out to me by that ex-girlfriend when we attended the Erasure show together at Clutch Cargo in Pontiac back in '96 ...)

And maybe I'm just lightening up in general (God forbid), but it seemed to me that this crowd was fantastically happy and friendly. Reflecting on it all afterward, I had to acknowledge that Detroit really does have a good gay scene from time to time. It'd be nice if it were a little easier to find, or maybe appeared on a regular basis. But you know, until it's better, you take what you can get.

As a post script ... afterward we found out Andy Bell (the singer in Erasure, for you heathens) was at the Gold Coast, so we drove up and hung out in a casual proximity to him for a while. It was a truly Detroit moment, hanging out near one of my favorite performers of all time in a shithole bar in the ghetto watching drag queens and strippers. And because Erasure has been a favorite group of mine since before you were born, I was forced to humiliate myself by going up to Andy and telling him how much I love them and how significant Erasure's music has been in my life. I know, what a retard! I couldn't stop myself, I do love them. And he couldn't have been more gracious or kind. I was embarrassed, because usually I just ignore celebrities and watch them out of the corner of my eye. But after I did it I was secretly happy. Worship your idols.

The Spirit of Detroit has a nice ass

Some guy who is doing restoration work on the Spirit of Detroit statue at Woodward and Jefferson apparently created some miniatures to test patinas (or something, I can't be bothered with the specifics). Now he is offering cast miniature models of the statue for the Detroit enthusiast you love. Love a lot, by the way, because they are $9,000 each, apparently.

(As an art-buying aside, $9,000 isn't necessarily a crazy amount for a 12" cast bronze piece. But it might be when you are talking about a relatively poor replica of a public statue vs. original art by an artist with a reputation).

That's neither here nor there as far as I'm concerned, because while this replica may have changed the very generic cute Anglo facial features of the real statue into something more Bel Ami Studios Eastern European porn ...

The original's hair is cuter too.

... and while the mesomorphic body type of the original seems to have given way to a leaner ectomorphic body, I want to simply point out this:

What exactly is he squatting on?

Now THAT'S the spirit of MY Detroit.

Come back to the five and dime, JonBenet, JonBenet ...

The pageant world is weird, as we all know, and the child pageant world is 18 kinds of crazy. That is why we love it so much. I mean hate it. I mean, well, I don't actually know what I mean.

I do know that the spinoff industries from the pageant world never fail to amaze me. Take, for example, the world of photo retouching, as demonstrated on the website for Total Makeover Retouching ("For days she doesn't feel like sitting through hair/make-up and a photo shoot.") Only in the world of child pageantry could a person with ham-fisted photoshopping skills as demonstrated below not only be proud of the end result, but find customers who actually WANT the final product!

The great thing about this website of the person who offers these services is that under each photo sample, she lists the "enhancements" that were made:

Total Makeover Retouching
This Enhancement Includes:
*Curls replaced
*Shirt colorized
*Irises replaced & moved for eye contact
*Lashes added
*Stray hairs removed
*Blush added
*Skin tanned
*Brows shaped
*Skin blended
*Dark circles faded
*Background changed
*Photo angled & shapened
*Overall color & contrast corrected

From Snapshot to Low Glamour Pageant Photo
(A more natural look.)
This Photo Enhancement Includes:
*Skin blended
*Flesh tones boosted to peachy hues
*Bow shadows removed from forehead
*Drool removed from mouth
*Eyes brightened and sharpened
*Catch lights corrected in eyes
*Dark circles gently faded, while natural eye creases are preserved for a natural appearance
*Lashes added
*Lip line corrected
*Photo zoomed, cropped, and sharpened

I am not sure exactly what the worst part of this whole thing is ... adults who want to make children look like dolls, or little girls who grow up thinking no picture of them is good enough unless it's obscenely retouched. Click through that site, there is some crazy shit on there!

Of course the gays, who can be a funny bunch, could not leave this alone. One clever boy from NYC posted his OWN photo retouching, and listed his enhancements too:

This Enhancement Includes:
*Irises replaced and moved for eye contact
*Stray hairs removed
*Brows Shaped
*Carol Channing
*Tammy Faye post hamburger and fries in heaven
*Dakota Fanning post cell phone delete
*Ms JonBenet Ramsey, formerly of Boulder CO.

Now that is a touch-up I can live with.

If I Ran the Zoo ...

OK, the wedding party "Thriller" performance video was cute, but this one takes it all to an entirely new level. 1500 inmates of a prison in the Philippines perform Michael Jackson's "Thriller" dance!

That is a good example of the type of change I would institute if I were in charge of the prison system. Love the inmate who has to play the scared girlfriend - he really works those heels!

Your Feet Are an Urban Crisis

I’ve talked about the greatness of summer here in Detroit, but folks, we’ve got a problem. People are walking around town in sandals and flip-flops and all manner of open-toed footwear, apparently oblivious to the shocking and disgusting state of affairs with their own feet.

I was at Slows with a friend last month and as I glanced over to the next table I was horrified to see an entire family of people flaunting their calloused, scaly, thick-nailed talons in some of the ugliest sandals to ever grace this earth (I think they were Tevas). And they appeared to be completely fine with that! No shame about sticking their legs out from under the table or crossing their legs and bringing a foot dangerously close to dining level. I mean please, I am trying to eat a chicken wing!

This is going on all over the place and it has absolutely got to stop. Speaking as a person who didn’t even wear a sandal until he was past the age of 30 due entirely to the fact that I didn’t want to offend the world with un-cared-for feet, I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect people to pay attention to the appearance of ALL their uncovered skin. Detroit, you need a pedicure.

Obviously the best solution is you just go to a nice day spa, like the Woodhouse Day Spa on Woodward or something like that, and have them transform those nasty hooves into normal human feet.

But ok, maybe you are uncomfortable having someone take care of your feet (although that’s stupid - they don’t mind, it’s a job they chose to perform), or maybe you are just cheap and lazy. Either way, you can get your feet to the point where they are at least presentable at home with only the most rudimentary tools and basically free products.

A candid photo of my last home spa pedicure

The Supergay Home Spa Pedicure

You will need: some towels; a plastic tub or basin or something for soaking feet; some kind of bath salts or gel; a foot file, emery board, nail clippers and a metal nail file (you can get all this stuff for like $10 at CVS or Waldemart or wherever you shop for cheap shit); moisturizer or, better yet, foot cream; a bottle of wine

Disclaimer: if you are diabetic or have circulatory problems in your feet please don’t even try this, because I refuse to be liable if you fuck up and get infected and have to have your foot amputated. Go see a podiatrist like God intended.

1. Pour a glass of wine, turn on music or television or something to entertain you, fill the tub with very warm water. Pick a spot for pedicuring and position the tub in front of it. Be sure to put towels all around the area.

2. Add bath salts or bath gel to the water. This will help soften the skin on your feet and also clean them, which you obviously need to do since you are wearing open-toed shoes in the city. If you don’t want to spring for special bath stuff you can just pull a Madge and use Palmolive. Put your feet in.

3. Sit and drink wine. Hopefully you remembered to keep the bottle nearby because there is really no getting up for refills at this point.

4. After a period of foot soaking that is neither too long nor too short, pull out a foot, dry it off, and start working on it with the foot file. There are several kinds of foot files. Some are all pumice stone-y, but really that is for people who regularly take care of their feet. You will file for hours with that. There are the sandpapery ones, which are pretty good, but if your feet are really calloused you need to use the cheese grater kind. It sounds nasty but they will get the job done. I recommend using that for starting out then finishing off with the sandpapery one.

Work on the tough areas first, but don’t forget to hit the entire sole of your foot at least lightly, and also the sides and heel. Put this foot back in the foot soak and repeat the process on the other foot. Work both feet twice.

5. Working on your feet yourself is also a good opportunity to stretch your legs. Pretend this is also yoga class and there are health benefits. Drink more wine.

6. Once you have removed a disgusting amount of dead skin from your feet, which is now on the towels or floating in the foot soak, it’s time to address your nails and cuticles.Your cuticles on your feet get nasty really fast, but using cuticle scissors to cut them is an advanced move and something better left to professionals. They are very soft now so you can just use the tip of the metal nail file to scrape them off. There is also something called a cuticle remover, which is like a specialized cuticle scraper, which is helpful in this regard. When you get to your little toe it is really just easier to use the metal file across the nail to smooth it all out.

Trim your nails using the nail clipper if they are long, but don’t trim too short, and don’t worry about getting them perfect. Use the emery board to file down shorter nails or rough edges from trimming with a clipper.

7. Rinse off your feet in the now-cold foot skin stew that once was your foot soak and dry them off. Go over your feet and address any unacceptably rough spots with the foot file or the emery board. Your feet may not be perfectly baby-smooth, but they'll be much improved.

8. Apply foot cream or other moisturizer all over your feet, including nails and cuticles. Finish the bottle of wine while you wait for that to soak in.

9. Call the maid to clean up.

If you have a significant other, now is a really good time to get in the sack with them. Your feet will feel amazing and they won’t be repulsed to the other side of the bed like they normally are. But most importantly, your feet will look acceptable while you are out on the street, and you can feel good that you are doing your part to increase the beauty level of Metro Detroit.

The end.

Let's Go Outside

There’s a great trend going on in this city that is heartening to see, and is one of those harbingers of hope, like the swallows coming back to Capistrano.

It seems everywhere you look this summer there is al fresco dining. It was not too long ago that Agave, Tom’s Oyster Bar rooftop and La Dolce Vita’s patio were basically the only outdoor options. This summer? Well, here’s a short list of places I’ve noted recently: Small Plates, Detroit Beer Company, Tom’s, LDV, The Rattlesnake Club, Bert’s on Broadway, The Rhino, Vicente’s, the Woodward Grill (in Compuware, not the gay bar), Honest John’s, Seldom Blues, Majestic Café, Twingo’s and Slows Bar-B-Q. And I’m sure I’m leaving a ton of stuff out.

It’s just so reassuring, because it’s one of those normal things you take for granted, until you live someplace that doesn’t have it.

If a picture says a thousand words ...

... I'm betting one of the words this photo says rhymes with "hay."

How can you not love the gang at Slows? Not only do they have great food and an advanced design aesthetic, they take irony to completely new heights. And they are better gays than most of the actual homos I've met in this town.

Their first two postcards were brilliantly conceived and artfully executed, and now they've come up with an awesome promo for Yacht Rock Thursdays.

There. It sums up the night fairly well (did I ever blog about the time the poodles showed up?). Don’t forget to go this week.

A Friend in Need

A Supergay friend has asked for help spreading the word about a benefit for a worthy cause, and because I’m a giver, I’m going to do just that.

This Friday at (PROOF) Martini Lounge there is a benefit for Detroit's Free Legal Aid Clinic. It's only a $5 cover and all door proceeds to to charity. How delightful!

Now you may ask yourself how this falls under the auspices of this website, and at first glance it’s a bit of a stretch. I mean look at that graphic, it screams heterosexual male. HOWEVER, this event has several components that I’m happy to get behind:

• Potentially attended by cute young professional and law student types
  
• Supports a good charitable cause, the Free Legal Aid Clinic, and you never know when you will become indigent and need free legal aid!
  
• Supports (Proof), a neighborhood martini bar that – despite a few questionable aesthetic elements – is run by a couple of great guys and has a crazy long martini menu. It was also the home to the Guerrilla Queer Bar in June and they were gracious and appreciative hosts. And they have a parenthetical name.

So if you are looking for a nice segue into the weekend, stop by for a cocktail and to support a good cause. It’s the courtesy reach-around that keeps on giving.

That's DAME Shirley Bassey to you

A friend turned me on to this one this weekend - Dame Shirley Bassey covering Pink's "Get This Party Started." I shit you not.

Total brilliance, and she still manages to make it sound like a Bond theme.

Guerrilla Queer Bar July Event!

Those gay gorillas love to be coy, never giving away the location or theme of their events until a day or two ahead of time, but they DO give you a little advance notice (usually!).

Well they've announced the next event date, this Friday, July 20th. They say it will be a super special one!

By the way, I get a lot of people say to me, "Oh, I never know when those are!" To which I say, "Sign the fuck up for their email list, Buzz Lightyear!" You can sign up here.

Supergay Chest Thumper

How embarrassing to have not posted in two weeks! But what a two weeks it's been. Momentarily I will do another Supergay Road Trip blog entry. But I just wanted to do a little chest-thumping, or I guess on this site it might more appropriately be called 'Supergay Auto-Fellatio."

So, you know, when I'm not blogging about the good times and the great taste of gay Detroit, I sometimes work for money. One little project was an article I was thrilled to do for the online Detroit development newsletter Model D a few months ago.

Well they hit their 100th issue two weeks ago and as part of that they named their top 20 favorite features, and yours truly was one of them (you're goddam right it was). Click here to see the feature "A Few of Our Favorite Things."

Model D loves Supergay, and Supergay loves Model D, even though they made some editorial changes to my feature that killed a couple jokes. But you know, I guess they have to have standards.

By the way, watch for Supergay making a very special guest appearance on Model D again very soon!

Here in Bulimia

Well, if you are looking for campy nasty fun, this might be your thing. Make a bulimic celebutante your high noon heroine!

Click here for the game ...

Walk it out, Fosse

Well, I guess now we know what the world would be like if Bob Fosse choreographed hip hop.

House of Aviance, or Bedtime Stories

What is it about summer here? I just can't believe how this city comes alive with people walking, jogging and biking everywhere, festival on top of festival, ballgames, barbeques, parties, patios, porches, parks and promenades. It's not the same city it was just three months ago.

The same appears to be true for things to do in the gay community. After a winter of hitting the same old spots with only an intermittent party or special event to spice things up, there is a sudden deluge of options.

This Saturday is a good example. Not only is the ABBA show at Pine Knob/DTE, but Kevin Aviance is performing at Menjo's. It's like a gay Sophie's Choice. Except of course you win either way. Which I guess would be the gay part of that.

Kevin Aviance is an amazing performer, kind of drag, kind of not. He describes himself as an "entity" on his website. He's been a fixture performing in NYC for years, in particularly known for his time at Twilo and The Roxy. He and I actually go way back. Not as friends really, but friends of friends. Oh, the stories I could tell. And will.

I met my first serious boyfriend (we'll call him Tad Hamilton) back in the little club world of 1991 Washington, DC. He was in school at the time, but had been a fixture on the club scene for a while and his little group was the House of Aviance, of which Kevin was a member. I remember so well the romantic night when we met dancing to Jean-Philippe Aviance's mix of "Work this Pussy." I met Kevin through Tad.

At the time my roommate and I lived right in the heart of the Dupont Circle gayborhood at 17th & P, and it turned out Kevin moved into a flat in the townhouse next door. He lived with Tatia, a chubby Asian club girl from a good family in McLean, VA, who was plying her trade as a call girl, "the pearl of the orient," known for her large-ish breasts. My roommate, a Georgetown School of Foreign Service graduate student seeking popularity, fell in with that whole clubby group when he started dating one of those boys. It was a watershed moment the day I got home from work and walked into the apartment to see a drag queen (Kevin), a call girl (Tatia), a pimp, a drug dealer and a credit card scam artist all hanging out with my roommate in the living room. The drag part I liked, obviously, but the rest was the beginning of the end of that particular living situation, as you might imagine.

My normally subdued roommate hit a rough patch later when he found out his boyfriend had been cheating on him the whole time they were going out (hasn't that happened to us all at some point?) and a series of extraordinarily dramatic suicide attempts ensued. One time, the roommate drank a bunch of booze and took a bunch of pills, and then decided to seal the deal by using Saran Wrap to seal off our galley kitchen and turning on the oven with the door open. Only one problem: it was an electric oven.

Kevin Aviance was there to save the day anyway! He knew the roommate was home and distraught and couldn't reach him on the phone, so he hopped the fence from his backyard into ours, climbed up the fire escape in his platform boots and kicked in the bedroom window a/c unit! He tore down the hermetic seal on the kitchen and got our boy up and moving around, saving him from potential death (but not future embarrassment about the oven thing).

Coming to a fire escape near you.

Later, when Tad had replaced the roommate in the apartment, I had a visit from an ex-girlfriend (look, I was young). She drove down to visit me while her parents toured the city. We had the full coming-out talk (which she had already guessed, having seen the way Tad and I bickered. We were young.) and it was a great visit. On the morning she left she was walking down the steps of my building with her parents, middle-aged working class folks from Macomb County, just as Kevin Aviance was returning home from a night out. He sauntered down the street in full make-up with a bandeau top, cha-cha heels and huge hoop earrings, looking like a gold lamé Carmen Miranda (with a bald pate instead of a fruit hat). I cringed as I thought about what horrible timing this was, until I found out later my friend's dad just turned to her after Kevin walked by and said "I love this city."

Kevin left DC a little after that, and later started making a name for himself. There's Kevin in the Madonna "Secret" video ... there's his first big club hit "Cunty (The Feeling)." I ran into him once at The Roxy (the same night Madonna walked right past me there - chyeah!) and another time for a big performance at the (then new, now closed) Chelsea bar xl. He's scored a bunch of other dance hits on the Billboard charts, been on television, and survived a nasty gay-bashing in NYC's East Village a year ago.

Back in the saddle after the gay bashing. NYC Pride 2006.

Really, he's become a bit of a legend, and this Saturday is a great opportunity to see him get his freak on. Go now, so in fifteen years you can be like me, telling stories of the old days like you are your own grandpa.

Fun for the whole "family"

So a few years ago my (dear, departed) gay friend Kelly Green (a former Miss) invited me to go see ABBA. "ABBA!" I thought! How exciting! Although I'd read of a possible reunion, I had no idea they were actually touring. Are you sure? Yes? Fantastic, let's go!

So we take the interminable trek up to Pine Knob/DTE Energy Music Theater and as we approach I notice there are remarkably few cars there, given it was to be an full-on ABBA reunion concert ...

Flash forward 20 minutes when we snuggle into our remarkably close-to-the-stage seats and an ABBA tribute band strolls out and starts performing. I was not amused. For long.

It ended up being the full-on funnest concert I'd been to in forever, and despite being a little too close to the stage (e.g. being able to see the shitty wigs on the guys), it felt just like seeing ABBA in person. Totally fun! I could not imagine why the place was not swarming with fags, it truly had more gay potential than it showed that night, and certainly more than anything I'd been to in the metro Detroit area up to that point.

Well guess what? The ABBA tour is coming back through this Saturday! I can honestly recommend the show wholeheartedly. It costs a penny ($10 lawn seats) and totally transports you back to a time when a sequined butterfly-print tunic was completely normal attire.

There are couple great things going on this weekend, but if this remotely interests you, I say go for it. So. Much. Fun!

Excuse my beauty!

While I'm in a humorous mood ...

Has everyone seen this? Man, it's funny. Just watch it, it's Cops and a tranny.

An interesting Op-Ed piece ...

... in The Onion today. They's some funny people.

Where Do Homosexuals Get All Their Energy?
By Brandon Kelley

Boy, am I beat. And it's not like I have some crazy life where I'm working
three jobs and going to night school. No, I just have one job and a small
apartment. I don't even have a pet to look after. Even so, it seems that no
matter what I do, there's always more. If they put another eight hours in the
day, I might be able to catch up on the laundry list of chores I have, or even
just my laundry, if I were lucky. But you know who really gets it done?
Homosexuals.

Read the rest of it here.

Slow & Smooth

Some good news has come down the pipeline in the last week ... Slows Bar-B-Q in Corktown is finally starting up their Thursday Patio Nights again. Hail Mary!

A train in the tunnel, baby.

If you managed to hit Yacht Rock Thursdays during the late summer last year, you know that co-owners Phillip Cooley and Dean St. Souver know how to spin some smooth tunes, laced with a touch of irony of course. And you know that there are few places as lovely on a summer's eve than the patio at Slows. And finally, you know that the gay hipsters cannot get enough Michael McDonald.

[Catch a snapshot of late summer Slows at the end of this article in Model D, "A Night Out with ... Aliccia Berg Bollig"].

Last Thursday was the soft launch for soft rock at Slows, and it seems the boys are mixing it up just a little this year. And that's a smart move. As the Yacht Rock phenomenon becomes more mainstream it seems only natural that early-adopters would seek to expand the scope of it. Fun music (maybe drifting off a bit into wedding-reception territory at times) and cool people acting decidedly un-cool pretty much define the vibe of the evening.

Is it really gay? Well first off, Slows is one of the gay-friendliest restaurants in the city. And there was always a good batch on the patio when I was there last summer. But I think a better testament comes from Sarah Lurtz, formerly of Wound Menswear and a longtime server at Slows, who said with a laugh, "Oh great, it's gonna be gay night again!"

The official start of Thursday Patio Night is this Thursday, so squeeze into your dangerously low-rise jeans and kiddy t-shirt and go drink beer. And see the very pretty Phillip Cooley in his really, really short white shorts.

The very pretty Phillip Cooley. I'm just sayin'.

Gay Guerrillas Living Proof Tour

The Detroit Guerrilla Queer Bar is at it again. Tonight they are meeting at (proof) on Woodward at Grand Circus Park. You can't miss the giant shining parentheses on their awnings.

I just have to say I am so please the Guerrillas are back on a monthly schedule. Hopefully they don't run out of places to go!

PS: You are really gay if you get the reference in the title here.

Love is a Stranger with an Open Bar

Last week was a good one for fancy open bars around town.

Earlier in the week was the Roostertail 50th Anniversary Party. Now the Roostertail always throws a good party, and that venue is really one of the absolutely fabulous places in metro Detroit, but there wasn't really anything particularly gay about it. Well, other than the usual.

HOUR Detroit's "Best of Detroit" party, on the other hand, was an interesting thing. The party, in its second year, was held downtown at the Max. There's no denying that the HOUR crowd is primarily suburban, as evidenced by the number of fake tans, boob jobs and ill-fitting couture in the crowd. Oh, and also by the party's theme "Suburban Bliss." But it's not a bad thing, the fact that events like this draw a big suburban crowd.



On the other hand, it *is* humorous to see a crowd that has such completely different priorities from so many of the people I meet in the city. It's very "fashion," very see-and-be-seen, very kiss-kiss. Contrast with a slightly more typical downtown evening at Atlas, Centaur or the Park Bar and you can really appreciate the qualities that differentiate downtown socializing. Dress up, dress down, whatever, but it's all about having fun and typically not about showing off.

Well enough with feeling superior, because mercifully I can have a good time pretty much anywhere. And big fun was had. The model for this party, declaring everyone "Best of Detroit" and then having them sponsor your big party, is actually brilliant. The food was great, the bar was greater, and the crowd was good people watching.

But the reason I am blogging about this is because of the gays. While not a major presence (hello, it's SE Michigan), the suburban hairdresser crowd was out in full force, not to mention the glorious presence of me and my friends (we were really good at the kiss-kiss). It was a little like Pronto, with none of the gays acknowledging each other unless absolutely necessary, but it always gives me a little joy to see gays downtown.

The evening reached a zenith when I had the EXTREME pleasure of seeing Kwame Kilpatrick pose for a photo with a whole gangle of them. Clearly at at party he doesn't have a problem with the gays. Now if we could just get him to loosen up the rest of the time!

HOUR deserves a little credit for being such a suburban magazine but keeping things oriented toward the city. Under the new editorial regime of Rebecca Powers, that is sure to only get better. She is very interested in the development of the city, and when she was at Detroit Home good coverage of Detroit homes and of the city itself improved greatly. HOUR Media is kind of the SE Michigan media powerhouse, and it'll be nice to have them in our corner.

And if anyone knows anyone involved, I'd love to have a copy of that photo.

It happened on June 19

There is a poster on the Datalounge forum who occasionally makes gay-related "this day in history" posts. They give some really interesting perspective on the history of gay rights, highlighting the progress that has been made but also demonstrating how far things still need to come (or how recently really stupid thing happened).

I'm posting today's because it was cool to see Ann Arbor mentioned. And because the 1998 entry about Alaska appalled me.


1971 - The first gay pride week in Ann Arbor, Michigan began. It had been decreed by the city council.

1975 - The American Medical Association passed a resolution urging all states to repeal laws criminalizing homosexual acts between consenting adults.

1979 - A judge in Catskill, New York awarded permanent custody of a 13-year-old boy to his father, a gay minister. His reasoning was that the father does not abuse the child in any way, contrary to what he sees out of many "so-called straight people."

1983 - In Lynchburg, Virginia, hate-monger Jerry Falwell told his followers that AIDS is a punishment from God, and that no medication could halt the judgment of God. Episcopal Bishop Paul Moore of New York criticized Falwell for using an epidemic as a political weapon.

1989 - The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force announced that executive director Jeff Levi would be leaving and Urvashi Vaid would replace him.

1998 - The Associated Press reported that Keith Goddard, leader of Gays and Lesbians of Zimbabwe, was arrested on sodomy charges. A man who was blackmailing him turned him in to police.

1998 - Governor Tony Knowles of Alaska vetoed a bill that would have criminalized sex by anyone who was HIV positive, even if the virus was not transmitted.

1998 - A Superior Court judge in San Francisco ruled that a regulation that bars gays and lesbians from serving in the California National Guard was unconstitutional. Lt. Andrew Holmes had brought the suit.

The Gayest Video in History

Well, since I'm posting video clips I might as well add on this tiny piece of insanity I found this morning. I literally sat slack-jawed in disbelief watching it.

"What What (in the Butt)" by a person called Samwell. There is some really gay robot dancing involved.

SFW, BTW.

Welcome to my Home!

Well hello!

I've been hesitating to post this video for months, because (frankly) it's long, and I figure most of you have about a two-minute attention span. I say that with love.

But here it is anyway. It's a 1987 fanclub video made by Brenda Dickson, an actress on The Young & The Restless way back in the day. And it's brilliant camp.

Part 1 will blow your mind with a parade of 80's "fashion" and advice on how to get "that look."

Part 2 will blow your mind with the worst workout and nutritional advice ever.

Remember, I'm the person who found Penis Power for you, so I know what I'm talking about. If you can take the time, I guarantee it will become a cherished part of your life.

Part 1: Let's teleport into my closet ...

Part 2: Avoid dairy!

Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

Last February or so a friend told me about Sass. She had never been to it, but heard of it through friends and passed the info to me when I was looking for gay things to do in Detroit. Sass is queer dance party that caters to a young-ish hipster crowd, and you can read details on their MySpace page.

I thought about checking it out, but I would have had to go by myself since I hadn’t met many gay friends in the city yet, and I figured I was outside the targeted demographic a bit anyway. I’d pay attention to the event schedule, think about going, but then get distracted by something shiny and forget about it.

So I finally have friends who will go to Sass, which is now held at the Buzz Bar, and I went to meet up with them there last night.

What a revelation that was.

I cannot tell you the last time I was in such a happy, positive, hip, fun and energetic gay (fine … queer) club atmosphere. Actually yes I can. It was summer 1988 on Thursday nights at Todd’s, (the old new wave/punk club at 7 Mile & Van Dyke. I’ve been around). It was a great mix of gay boys, some straight boys, and a bunch of straight girls. It was mostly 20’s, but I was mercifully NOT the oldest person there.

The music was great! Now, I am dating myself when I say you could have rifled through my vinyl collection from high school and it would have been pretty much the same music as they played here. But for a group of young hipsters, my gay new wave high school music is now a fun, non-mainstream dance throwback. How fun?

So I danced a little, but mostly I watched, and it just made my bitter, jaded heart melt to see a gay scene so vibrant and edgy and friendly in the city of Detroit. And wouldn’t you know it, Sass is undergoing a change. The guys who make Sass happen are moving away to bigger and better things (as I believe every young person should, at least for a while), so Sass will no longer be a monthly. Maybe three or four times a year, that’s the word. But you know how these things go. As a friend asked, “Is this your first and last Sass?”

The responsible parties.

I think Michelle Pfeiffer in Grease 2 said it best ... "Oh it all seems so unfair, just when I found you I lost you!"

But keeping things in perspective, for a while last night I was overjoyed to see the kind of gay scene this city so desperately needs to have. As the last song played, a dance remix of “Forever Young” (the song playing on their MySpace page and, oddly, on my current vinyl playlist), I watched everyone out there dancing with huge smiles, hugging and laughing. This song from my high school playlist and their Napoleon Dynamite soundtrack cast a gorgeous sentimental glow over a fleeting moment in Detroit that brings everything good and gay together.

Starbucks is officially owned by Satan

This Paul McCartney album they've published as part of their new label ... they won't stop playing it ... it's so, so horrible ... can barely think ...

If this isn't proof that Starbucks is devil-owned and operated I don't know what is. Why can't the religious right get all over this and leave the gays alone? At least we're not hurting anyone (unless they want it, see previous post).

I'm losing my mind.

International Miss Leather Pageant

For the Memorial Day Weekend I made a quick jaunt to Chicago, and wouldn't you know, it also happened to be the weekend of the 2007 International Mister Leather competition!

This is an annual event held at the Palmer House Hilton in downtown Chicago. It celebrates the leather community, provides a reason for gays to travel someplace fun and act all hedonistic 'n' shit, and gives a bunch of queens something to aspire to. Naturally I had to stop in to check it out.

Now the scope of this event is huge. First of all, it takes over the ENTIRE hotel. There are signs at each entrance saying the hotel is booked for a private event, and security guards posted there to prevent the unsuspecting families from wandering into something less than child-friendly. Men and (some) women travel from all over the continent to come to this event, now in its 29th year. It involves an entire weekend of activities, culminating with the crowning of the new International Mister Leather at the Chicago Theater on Sunday night.

In the interest of full disclosure (prior to judging), I should say I don't really get the whole leather thing. I mean, I know there are camaradarie and community-building aspects to it and I am always in favor of those. And I glad that there is a gay niche that isn't all about being pretty and having fabulous clothes. But all the outfits and rules just seem like an awful lot of fuss. Plus I think cockrings are really gross.

My friends and I stopped in on Saturday afternoon, and the place was jumping. The entire lobby is turned into a bar, and people just hang out and people watch. And trust me, that is some gooooooood people watching! Guys were there from all over, and there were a lot of familiar faces from the Detroit area. The standard uniform seemed to be jeans and a t-shirt with some kind of leather accoutrements, but there were also people in the full leather getup. And trust me, you haven't seen anything until you've seen tuxedoed hotel employees serving pizza to a line of leather queens!

The lobby was twice as full by the time we left (around 4pm)

Hemlines are up this season!

Upstairs from the lobby they have an area is called the Leather Mart. It is dirty there, so dirty that they check your ID four times and make you sign a release. It's essentially a gay leather version of the porn conventions they have in Las Vegas. It's booth after booth of sex toys, leather apparel, porn stars, demonstrations, and pretty much anything you can think of.

I found this portion emotionally damaging. I guess it's one thing to read about fisting and really quite another to be wandering through a dark room showing videos and that appeared to be set up for demonstrations later that night (the carpet was covered with a saran wrap-type protective covering. Seriously). And I did not need to know that something called a rosebud pump existed (don't ask).

By the time we had pushed about half-way through the very dense crowd I was like "get me the fuck out of here!" I thought I was brave but I am not, I am a huge vanilla gay coward. I think it was the pissing videos that threw me over the edge.

Of course my friends are a stalwart bunch and got a bigger kick out of it all than I did, my friend Laurita Guarita Los Angeles Jara Perez in particular. She had a run-in with a guy in a bondage bunny suit that was pretty great.

Do not take a Cadbury Cream Egg from this man!

[Bunny makes a beeline for the chick with lip-gloss and feathered hair]

Bunny: So what do you think?

LGLAJP: (looking at her nails) About what?

Bunny: (looks down at outfit) This.

LGLAJP: You're a plushy.

Bunny: Yeah. So what do you think?

LGLAJP: I'd fuck you.

And then she spun him around and pretended to fuck him. It was awesome.

We finished the day grabbing a meal at a pub next door, which was full of its own highlights. The walls were covered in framed headshots of celebrities who have dined there over the years (the goofy guy from F-Troop and Seka were my personal favorites). And even better, we sat next to a table of leather lesbians and one of them had a cane!

All in all, the IML thing was an experience I'm eager to never re-live, but it certainly was worthwhile viewing. I am probably a better person for it. Or at least wiser.

Metro Times tells it like it T-I-S

June is Gay Pride Month! Exciting, right? June gets this distinction because it was in June that the Stonewall Riots transpired in Greenwich Village back in '69. What a great year for that to happen.

It's kind of nice that we get Pride events, even though I rarely go to the local one (which is very remiss of me). The bigger events in cities like Chicago, New York, San Fran, etc are really quite a party, with big parades and all that crazy excess you see in those videos about the gay agenda produced by the religious right. Personally I am glad our community steps out there to wave its freak flag from time to time. No shame, no apologies. Because if mainstream America cannot at the very least tolerate drag queens and dykes on bikes, then they really aren't tolerating you either, Bobby Butch. Whatsoever you do to the least of my sisters, or something like that.

In recognition of Gay Pride Month the Metro Times came out with an issue dedicated to the topic. Opinion, features, music and the arts were all gay-related topics, it was a very cool idea and very well executed. Good job kids!



The best part of the feature, and the one I was prepared to hate, was the article by Wendy Case called "Affirming Ferndale: How a once-faltering suburb became a hub for gay community." Aside from the fact that her piece started out about exactly the same as my piece for Model D ("Where the Gays Are"), it evolved into a really comprehensive and thoughtful examination of why Ferndale has the gay community and Detroit doesn't.

It's a great piece and a highly-recommended read. It hits all the right notes, and to my extreme joy called out Kwame Kilpatrick for his negligence to the gay community. I wish there were some coverage of the gay community that does exist in Detroit, but they're just telling it like it is.